Wednesday, October 4, 2006 · Page 8 Layers of apples inside and on top give extra moistness to this scrumptious cake. Topping: 1/2 cup . . . . all-purpose flour 1/3 cup . . . . packed brown sugar 1/4 cup . . . . butter From: Her Desk Drawer Apple Crumble Coffeecake Apple Filling: 4 cups . . . . . sliced peeled Ontario apples . . . . . . . . . . (such as Cortland, Crispin, . . . . . . . . . . Golden Delicious, Idared, . . . . . . . . . . Jonagold, Northern Spy, Spartan) 1/3 cup . . . . packed brown sugar 1 tsp . . . . . . cinnamon Cake Batter: 2/3 cup . . . . butter 1/2 cup . . . . granulated sugar 3 . . . . . . . . . eggs 1 tsp . . . . . . vanilla 11/4 cups . . all-purpose flour 1 1/2 tsp . . . baking powder 1/2 tsp . . . . salt Taking Care of Our Emotional Health Marital Infidelity The recent news report of former N.H.L player Tie Domi allegedly having an extra-marital affair with Liberal M.P. Belinda Stronach brought to public attention, if only briefly, the painful reality of marital infidelity in contemporary married life. Statistics vary but tend to indicate that 37 percent of married men and 20 percent of married women have been or will be unfaithful in the course of their marriage. This is most likely an underestimate. There is not enough space in this column to assess the issue in detail, but rather to identify how toxic it is to our emotional heath. Marital researchers describe it as an "attachment injury"...a piercing wound in the fabric of a marital foundation, one built on trust, safety, security, and predictability. Individuals react with anger, horror, shock, and a severe sense of betrayal and violation. For many, it a personal trauma not unlike the mass trauma of the September 11 World Trade Center attack. One man said: "I had to stop the car and get out and vomit...I felt so awful", and said a woman: "it made me ill... I just couldn't cope." The emotional fall-out can be catastrophic and impact the lives of children, in-laws, friends and work colleagues. Many marriage partners are never the same again, with hurtful and disconnecting relational patterns in an open, honest and productive manner. Sometimes these patterns have existed for years in the lives of individuals and couples. The good news is that a `sad state of affairs' does not have to be catastrophic. As devastating as it can be when it is first exposed, many couples choose to channel the experience into a rebuilding process. Recovering from an extramarital affair usually requires the help of a professional. In the healing process, the impact of the injury is discussed and painful emotions are expressed. Marriage partners are helped to make sense of their experience, take ownership for what has happened, and grieve what has been lost. They learn how to respond to each other's hurt in new and sensitive ways, and slowly begin to rebuild a secure bond with each other. In the process, healthy patterns of interacting are formed and a new marriage is redefined. "The world is not as it should be", wrote a Jesuit theologian. This could be said of the hurt and unfaithfulness in many marriages. But so too can we work to make our lives and our marriages as they should be. Next: The Healing Power of Friendship JOHN POSTONS (M.S.W) their sense of self diminished and scarred by what they `have done' or by what they feel `has been done to them'. Indeed, one woman's experience was the focus of a recent Supreme Court debate about whether or not her unfaithful husband should be held financially responsible for her chronic `disability' of not being able to work or to move beyond the affair. The reasons for marital infidelity are seldom simple or singular. Rarely is it about sex or one marriage partner wanting to leave the marriage. More often it is about a profound sense of personal and/or relationship unhappiness and emptiness. It is often a form of communication, acting out a message that `this marriage isn't working'. The painful exposure of infidelity can be a grim reminder of the inability or unwillingness to address Prepare topping: In small bowl, combine flour and brown sugar, blend in butter to form small crumbs. Prepare apple filling: In large bowl, combine sliced apples, brown sugar and cinnamon. Prepare batter: In large bowl with electric mixer, cream butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at a time; beat in vanilla. In small bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt; stir into creamed mixture just until combined. Spread half of batter in greased 9" springform pan or square baking pan. Spoon half of apples over batter. Repeat with remaining batter and apples. Sprinkle topping over apples. Bake in a 350°F oven for 60 to 70 minutes or until tester inserted in centre comes - News Canada out clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Auction to empower needy Guatemalans Guatemala Hope is holding its 6th Annual Dinner Live and Silent Auction at 5:30 p.m. Sat., Oct. 14 at St. John's Parish Hall, Woodslee. Items to be auctioned are both new and vintage and will fit a variety of price ranges. To purchase a ticket or contribute an article contact Sue Rock at 975-2959. All proceeds from this event are used for work in the Pacific coastal area surrounding the village of El Triunfo, Guatemala. On Nov. 10 a group of twenty volunteers will be taking medical supplies, school supplies and agricultural sup- plies to the village. Based in Essex County, Guatemala Hope was established in 2003 to improve the quality of life and self-sufficiency of the villagers of El Triunfo and the surrounding area through the improvement of health, education and economic conditions. = COATS FOR KIDS the annual campaign is now on. Every year a network of community agencies across Windsor-Essex County work together to distribute winter coats to children and families in need. We rely on the community to donate gently used coats to this program. Coats can be dropped off at Essex Community Services, until Oct 31. WHAT IS LETTER CARRIERS'ALERT? It is a program provided by Essex Community Services that provides a watchful eye through the local Letter Carrier, to ensure the safety of area senior citizens (55+) or disabled persons. How does it work? Your letter carrier will watch for any build-up of mail or some other sign that you, as a homeowner, may be in trouble. If you do not answer the door, the letter carrier will notify our office, and we will check your registration form and contact your emergency contacts (family or friends), or police to make sure you are safe. To receive a registration form, or for more information, contact us at 776-4231. SECURITY REASSURANCE PROGRAM is a free program for seniors or homebound individuals and is designed to help them to remain independent in their own homes. Our staff will place regular telephone calls to those registered, to check on their well-being and safety. Clients choose the day, time and frequency of calls. In the event that we cannot reach the client, we alert relatives, neighbors, or emergency services to check on them. This program is funded by the Ontario Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care.